comparison

"Comparison is the thief of joy." I first heard this quote in college (wow, I felt really old writing that just now). I remember tucking it away in my mind, recognizing that there was a lot of wisdom in those words, but I didn't think much of it at the time.

{via}

It has taken me a couple of months to see it, but in this post-college season of life comparison has been a much bigger struggle for me. The internal dialogue looks something like this:

...So-and-so is engaged. I kind of wish I was in a relationship...

...So-and-so got to stay in Salt Lake City. I kind of wish I had all the comforts of home at my fingertips...

...So-and-so is working for an amazing ministry. I kind of wish I was able to put my efforts towards a job like that...

... So-and-so is traveling around the world. I kind of wish I was out living an awesome adventure like that...

... So-and-so is in graduate school. I kind of wish I wasn't in the "real world" yet...

The list can go on and on... I was sharing this struggle with comparison while talking with a friend during a recent phone conversation. She stopped me and said, "What?! You think that MY situation is somehow better just because I'm getting married? I was thinking the same thing about you because you have an awesome job. Oh man, what I wouldn't give to be doing what you're doing." After we got off the phone I couldn't help but laugh a little bit to myself at how short-sided and immature I can be. 

 Here's the thing, up until you graduate from college, life generally looks pretty similar to those around you. I mean, you go to kindergarten, then elementary school, then middle school, then high school, and finally college. During those years you may be into different things, but life pretty much looks the same as those around you. You are directed and lead, and only have to be faithful to the things assigned to you. After college, though? Well, that looks drastically different for just about everybody. As college grads, we can no longer look to the person on either side of us to tell us if we're meeting some sort of status quo. We are now bearing the burden of our lives on our own shoulders, no one is there telling us what to do or how to spend our days. This is a transient stage in life and there's not necessarily a "right" way to go about it, but it seems like everyone else has something vital that we're missing, right?!

The tendency I'm starting to see in myself and other twenty somethings is this: we recognize something that we're lacking, we then take that thing and fixate on it, because we're sure that if we can acquire that thing, then (and only then) we would be okay. I've caught myself doing this on multiple occasions in the past few months - I look around and see what others have and I don't, then I assume that one thing is going to bring security and fulfillment and joy to my life... That somehow it will save me. But that's all a lie. A complete and total lie. Oh, how comparison can steal our joy! I've had to continually remind myself that security and fulfillment and life are found solely in relationship with Christ. And that he alone can save us from the gnawing sense of insufficiency inside of ourselves.

He is our only hope.

Not a job.

Not a husband/wife.

Not a big adventure.

Not money.

Not family.

Nothing.

The lesson I'm learning is this: God's "yes" is as good as his "no." In his grace, He has said "yes" by providing me with a great job and an awesome new adventure. In His grace, He has also said "no"in my singleness and by putting me in a place that's far from the comforts of home. Every single thing in my current life situation has been ordained by my kind and loving Father for my good. And that's true for each and every one of you too. His "yes" and "no" likely look different for you, but they are saturated in grace nonetheless. The Bible says that every detail of our lives, every single day has been appointed by God and that He holds all things together by the power of His word. He is in control and He is working FOR. OUR. GOOD. When will we get that through our heads and learn to trust?

My prayer today is that we would guard ourselves from the pitfall of comparison. That we'd learn to see God's goodness and grace in the "yeses" and the "nos" - both in our lives and in the lives of those around us. God, teach us contentment. Teach us to trust your faithfulness. May we find security and fulfillment and life in you.