BMT: Day 1

I started my capstone on Bone Marrow Transplant yesterday.
Here's a little glimpse into what was running through my mind...

5:30 - "Coffee... must. have. coffee."

6:30 - "Ah! First day! I wonder if my preceptor is nice..."

7:00 - "What in the world is 'Waldenstrom Macroglobinemia'?"
8:00 - "18 morning medications for one patient. Wow."
9:00 - "You want me to irrigate what?"
10:00 - "Holy Guacamole, this is really sad."
11:00 - "Note to self: room 3 will get out of bed for an orange slushie"
12:00 - "First time hanging chemo. Sweet."... "No time for lunch!"
13:00 - "The patient in room 8 has the cutest little kids. He's gotta make it for them... I sure hope he makes it. Lord, please help him make it!"
14:00 - "Okay, I am officially overwhelmed!"
15:00 - "We haven't charted yet. crap."
16:00 - "Finally got lunch. Thank God."
17:00 - "My preceptor is awesome. Holla."
18:00 - "So, the nurses do the transplants? Rad."
19:00 - "Sheesh, I have a long way to go!"
20:00 - "I was supposed to be off at 7, why in the world am i still here?"
21:00 - "Finally made it home. Goodnight."

What a crazy busy day!
I left feeling utterly exhausted and overwhelmed, but SUPER excited!
As my friend Anna would say:
IAPOTA
(it's all part of the adventure), folks!

Thankful Thursdays {19}

Hello, hello!
Here's my happy little list of thankfulness for the week:
(for those of you who are new to the blog, it's all part of project:cultivate thankfulness. Feel free to play along with this little experiment in growing grateful hearts!)

a fun friday night chillin with the 'rents
jessi-jarah time
running into an old high school friend
this song (it's been on repeat all week long)
freedom found in Christ
intentional times of rest
learning to process heart breaking realities
lessons in peace, love, and patience
God's word and provision
amazing professors
+ even more amazing nursing school peeps
less than 100 days left of nursing school
African tea
fun surprises in the mail
naps after long days
kickboxing - nothing like it to relieve stress
free fish tacos (yum!)
encouraging little text messages
my incredible small group girls and our new study in Psalms
long email updates from this chica
NOT having to scrape my car windows 4/7 mornings this week

Not gonna lie to you, this week has been a tough one,
but it's still been full of so many bright and beautiful things!
How about you? Where have you seen brightness in your life this week?

oh, and if you think about it... send up a little prayer for me today! It's my first day on Bone Marrow Transplant (just a little nervous!)

Have a blessed Thursday, everybody!

may it be said of me...

... that my life was lived with this kind of passion:

"Passion is the heart set free to pursue that which is truly worthy. Those who set their hearts on what is most worthy - the glory of God - live with joy-filled abandon. Their hearts are both seized and satisfied with the ambition for Jesus to be ardently worshiped. That love comes to dominate and integrate all other desires so that they live in the freedom of single-minded purpose." - Steven C. Hawthorne

thankful thursdays {18}

Happy Thursday!
For some reason I've been a little emotional this week,
so it 's been good for me to sit down and write my list today.
It's helped me to remember how amazingly blessed I am...
even in the little - seemingly insignificant - things

{via}

lots of fun adventures with miss Stacie Barker
having an excuse to discover things in SLC while playing host
laughter over cherished memories
a fun snowshoeing adventure
bittersweet goodbyes
getting a lovely little post card from the Dominican Republic

finding $20 in my coat pocket. score.
crying. the good kind that cleans the soul.
celebrating the marriage of two very special people
sunshine!
comical moments at the gym
catching up with old friends
having people around me that speak truth into my life
a wonderful little coffee date with T
rediscovering Chris Rice. i swear he steals my very thoughts
a lazy evening with the house all to myself. loved that quiet!
my rockstar family
God's patience

You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers.
I'm about to burst with song; I can't keep quiet about you.
God, my God, I can't thank you enough.
[Psalm 30:11-12, Message]

hello, mental illness...

i know our paths have crossed before...
in fact, we spent all summer together,
but i'm just writing to let you know that
my heart is really heavy because of you today.
it's bad enough that you exist in the lives of adults,
but kids and teenagers? i just don't get it.
why do you have to show your ugly face in their lives?
please let up on their little hearts, even if it's just for a while.

sincerely,
me

{via}

just when i thought i had become comfortable with psych nursing
my instructor schedules me on the child/adolescent unit...
and my experience there has absolutely broken. my. heart.

lately i've just been wrestling with the realities of mental illness in our world. it is so hard for me to reconcile and get my head around it all. i read an article this week that has really opened my eyes to how we can make a positive impact for those around us suffering from some form of mental illness. it is written to health care professionals, but is applicable to all of us. it may take a few minutes, but i strongly encourage you to check it out (www.bu.edu/cpr/repository/articles/pdf/deegan1996.pdf). let me know what you think if you get around to it!

sorry for the little rant... just lots on my mind tonight.
peace to you, blogging world.

thankful thursdays {17}

I've gone back and forth on whether or not to continue my little project in cultivating thankfulness this semester... I mean, I am sure you all are getting tired of my weekly lists. But by day 3 of my spring semester, I am already seeing that I am going to need to have consistent attitude checks and remind myself of all of the good things in this life. That being said, project: cultivate thankfulness is still open for business here on bright red cords. here's my list for the week...

making it home safely after a great trip down south
deep, honest conversations
feeling refreshed after an amazing winter break
an ordination service for a good friend
news that a friend is adopting a baby in about 4 weeks
unexpected entertainment at the airport
reuniting with the goonies
my last first day of nursing school. ever.
starting my psych nursing course... i just love it
only having 15 credit hours this semester
kickboxing with emily
shopping for school supplies
my dear friend from africa visiting me here in SLC
a fun adventure to Park City
blessings from God's word
yummy thai food

... And I am so incredibly grateful that two years ago today, I boarded a plane for Africa with tear stained eyes and a heart full of expectation. I had no idea then the magnitude that the next 5 months would hold, nor the impact that my experience would have on the rest of the course of my life. So today I am celebrating all God has done, and will continue to do, through the time I spent in Joburg (check out my blogs from that time here).

"... orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes" - David Platt

what's next?

oh, this may be the most feared question of every college student preparing to graduate. it's definitely one i've been dodging for the past few months. now that i've entered my last semester of college (holla!) i have been absolutely bombarded. i am going to let all of you bright red cords readers in on a little secret here...

I don't know yet.

it's a big fat question mark... and that's okay!

the decisions i'll be making in the next few months feel really big and scary right now. but they're also incredibly exciting... I mean, I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I could potentially be anywhere in the world at this time next year, but with endless opportunity comes the hurculean task of choosing what I want to pursue... here are some ideas I'm bouncing around right now:

[1] Nurse Residency Program: considering applying for positions at Duke Medical Center (North Carolina), Vanderbilt Medical Center (Tennessee) and Primary Children's Medical Center (Utah)

[2] Travel, travel, travel (anywhere and everywhere)

[3] Go to graduate school

[4] Move to Africa for awhile

[5] Stay in Salt Lake and find a job

[6] Go to seminary

[7] Intern/find a job with a non-profit

[8] Move to Cali and become a beach bum (okay, maybe I'm not really considering this one)

[9] Accept a job offer at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota

[10] Help a good friend start her non-profit

etc... etc... etc...

"The man or woman who is wholly and joyously surrendered to Christ can't make a wrong choice... any choice will be the right one." - A.W. Tozer

I'm finding hope in these words today, knowing that it's not so much about the choice, but following God in whatever choice is made... (*note to self: remember this when you start freaking out!). I'll keep you updated as I go along...

what an exciting adventure, this life!

at the sound of your voice...

{via}

My church recently introduced me to a new song by Aaron Strumpel that has really spoken to my heart. The song is called Resound (listen or buy it here). The lyrics are incredible...

Your word turned darkness into light
You spoke, and brought stars to life
And all our days began at the sound of your voice

Your word turned waters into seas
You spoke, and brought oceans to be
And all our days began at the sound of your voice

Your word turns sorrow into joy
You speak, and make my heart explode
And all our days begin at the sound of your voice

Your word turns death into dreams
You speak, and make my eyes to see
And all of our days begin at the sound of your voice

And everything is good
All you do is good
We resound
We testify
When you sound, we resound
When you sound, we resound your praise

Did you catch that line?
"All our days begin at the sound of your voice..."

Wow! This line has been playing through my mind for weeks now. I know in my head that my days are gifted by God and begin by his sovereignty alone, but I've been realizing that I don't really give God much of an opportunity to speak into my life, into my days. I generally just go about my days, living out my own agenda and maybe spend a few minutes reading and praying before I fall on my face in exhaustion.

This needs to change.

I'm not entirely sure what the "game plan" is, but one of my biggest goals for this year is to begin my days by allowing some time for God's voice. I am desiring more time to be in His word and to be before him in prayer. Like I said, not really sure what form this is going to take, but consider this resolution #1 (more to come when I'm back at home).

what are your goals/resolutions for 2011?