there are times // constantly

I just finished a string of 7 shifts in a row... Now, I suppose 60 hours is nothing to complain about, but this week has taken a toll on me emotionally. There have been a lot of tough things throughout the summer, but this week was just more intense. I have to be careful about what I share in order to respect the privacy and dignity of the people I'm working with. But I can tell you what's been going on with me. As hard as it is for me to put into words, I'll give it a go. Each day is unique and completely different, so I'll try to give you snippets of what I'm experiencing...

There are times when I cannot get a certain patient out of my head... for whatever reason their story grabs a hold of me and won't let go.

There are times when this all feels too big and too heavy for my little heart... when things seem impossibly difficult and I just cannot seem to make sense of it all.

There are times when I think it would be easier to just check out, or to be numb. But I'm reminded over and over that that's not the kind of love I'm called to as a follower of Christ.

There are times when God has flattened me and my judgmental self.

There are times when I am so incredibly humbled by what I see and hear and experience.

There are times when I get to witness raw and beautiful faith.

There are times when I'm real weepy... like this whole week, for instance.

There are times when I see my Jesus in the faces/hearts in my patients.
God says He is close to the brokenhearted (and that's something I see every day).

There are times when I laugh until my face hurts.

There are times when I am full of hope, and other times it's harder to find (though it's always there... always).

There are times when something "clicks" with a patient - they come to a new level of understanding, make a big breakthrough, or experience healing - and all I want to do is throw my arms around them and yell, "Woohoo!"
{that, of course, would be incredibly inappropriate, so I do an abridged internal version of that! haha}

I am constantly reminded that this is a broken and fallen world...

I am constantly faced with situations and conversations that make me a little uncomfortable (if I'm honest).

I am constantly broken by the sight of tattered limbs, marred by cuts and burns...

I am constantly feeling challenged and pushed to deeper levels of faith and love.

I am constantly surprised by joy in unexpected places.

I am constantly learning new things... soaking it up like a sponge.

I am constantly questioning:
"Do I really love people, or do I just love people who are easy to love?"
"In the face of some of the darkest places, Do I really believe that each person bears the image of my creator?"
"Do I really believe what Jesus said on the Sermon on the Mount, 'Blessed are the poor in spirit.'?"

I am constantly being reminded that,
"when I feel powerless, God is all-powerful,
when I don't know what to do, God is all-knowing,
when things feel out of control, God is sovereign,
when I have patients that seem beyond healing, God is the great and ultimate physician,
and nothing is impossible for him..."
{in the words of my dear friend shannon, from a recent letter}

I am constantly praying that God will restore his goodness to the lives of the people I'm working with and that He uses this summer to make me more like Jesus.

I am constantly witnessing how a little light shines so incredibly brightly in a dark place.

I am constantly reminded that I cannot do this on my own...

alright, friends, I hope you have a better sense for what life looks like for me right now. even on the hardest of days, things are good. a big thanks to all of you who have been praying for me along the way... it's truly been my lifeblood.

TWLOHA... what?

t seems like I've been seeing t-shirts for a long time at concerts and just around campus that say 'TWLOHA' on them... shirts that look something like this one. I've never really given a second thought as to what it stood for, but recently I had a patient explain to me what To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) was and how significant it had been in her life... being the geek that I am, I looked it up when I got home that night and was really excited about what I found. I think that I'm probably really slow with jumping on this band wagon, but it's amazing. In a world that tries its hardest to sweep mental illness under a rug, it's refreshing to find an orgIanization that stares it square in the face and seeks to offer hope and help to hurting people. I'll get off my soapbox now, but if you have some time, please go check it out, and maybe even consider supporting this worthy cause!

{xo. jarah}

* illustrative initial thanks to Daily Drop Cap

"getting to know myself"

as part of my job this summer, my boss suggested that i "get to know myself better." she stressed the importance of knowing who you are and where you stand when you're working with individuals that challenge you daily on matters of the heart. so i took what's called a Meyers-Briggs test. I answered about 75 questions and was categorized as a INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging). This is what the assessment had to say about me...

"INFJs have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

INFJ (counselors) are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them."

I wouldn't say that I'm a perfect match to this description, but it's pretty dang close. Apparently I'm a rare breed, but I could have told you that (haha). I am not sure how much better I "know myself" after taking this and I think it makes me sound way better than I actually am, but I thought it was kind of interesting to read through. If you have the time you should google "meyer-briggs personality assessments" and try one for yourself.

Other famous INFJ's: John Bradshaw, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, John Calvin, Nicole Kidman... Wow, that sounds like a lot to live up to. If only my life could mirror that of Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela... sheesh.


{xo. jarah}

Weeks 3 & 4 with Mr. Lewis

Ah! I told you all I'm running a little behind... sorry I didn't get around to posting this last week! I've been reading The Screwtape Letters in bits and pieces during my lunch breaks over the past few weeks. Here's one little passage that stuck out to me:

"And since they need change, [God] (being a hedonist at heart) has made change pleasurable to them, just as He has made eating pleasurable. But since He does not wish them to make change, any more than eating, an end in itself, He has balanced the love of change in them by a love of permanence. He has contrived to gratify both tastes together in the very world He has made, by that union of change and permanence which we call Rhythm..."

There were many amazing passages from the book, but this one really grabbed a hold of me. I love how he writes about the Rhythm of life... with seasons of change and seasons of permanence. As always, he has such an incredible way of putting things into words! I'm not going to give any more quotes from the book, mainly because it really needs to be read and taken as a whole, cohesive message. I found a commentary on the book that will give you a short overview and hopefully entice you to pick it up for yourself:

"For those who don’t know the book, the setup is this: Screwtape himself is a senior devil in the “lowerarchy of Our Father Below.” The letters are directed to his nephew Wormwood, a Junior Tempter on Earth, working on one of us— whom they call a “patient.” The letters themselves follow Wormwood’s efforts to tempt the patient, who has (to Screwtape’s “grave displeasure”) by the second letter, become a Christian. The goal of damnation is to “secure his soul forever” — to turn him against God (to Screwtape, “the Enemy” and “our Oppressor”) so that on entering Eternity, the man will become “a brimfull living chalice of despair and horror and astonishment which you can raise to your lips as often as you please.” It turns out that to the devils, we humans are “primarily food.”

I would not, “Hell forbid,” give away the ending of the book, but it will do no harm to say that along the way, the course of temptations recommended by Screwtape follows the three great sources of corruption we humans fall prey to—the World, the Flesh, and finally, the Spirit itself. Cowardice, vanity, lust, ambition, gluttony, spiritual pride—they’re all here, and all in the context of one human being’s search for knowledge of God’s will in the midst of the horror of World War II.

The great lesson Lewis is trying to smuggle into our minds (camouflaged in humor to get around all the defenses erected by Screwtape and his cohorts) is the essential Christian doctrine - what he called elsewhere "mere" Christianity. Chiefly, it is that god is very much alive, that He loves us in ways we do not understand, and that He want us to act from our own wills in accordance with His." -Richard S. Sandor

I absolutely loved this book, it was brilliantly written and incredibly thought provoking.
Alright... I'll try to post Lewis updates from week 5 as soon as I can. Stay tuned!
{xo. Jarah}

mom & dad come for a visit.

My parent's came for a little visit this weekend and it was a blast! I think we pretty much covered the entirety of southern Minnesota, along with parts of Iowa and Wisconsin. Here's the run down of what we did... hold on, this one has lots of pictures!

{Friday}

I sent my parents on a tour of the Mayo Clinic while I was at work.
We went to Newt's for lunch (they're famous for their "Jucy Lucy" burger).
Then we ended the evening with Toy Story 3 (which was ridiculously cute!)

{Saturday}
We woke up early and made our way to Harmony, Minnesota (aka, where all the Amish people live). We enjoyed a lovely breakfast at a little place called The Harmony House, went antique shopping, and toured around Amish country.

{we bought homemade granola bars from an amish roadside stand... probably the best granola bar I have ever had... notice the price: 30 cents!}

During our tour through Harmony, we tripped across a purple house that was home to the"goat lady." We had a blast playing with these baby angora goats.

Next on the list is Lanesboro... this quaint little riverside town was so much fun. We explored around the shops for a bit and then rented bikes for the afternoon.

We ended up stopping in a small town (Whalan) for some "world famous pie". I had a slice of the "Elvis Peanut Butter Pie"... incredible!

After our pie adventure, we made our way to Aviary Acres to do a little bird watching,

then drove through Decorah, Iowa and Lacrosse, Wisconsin.

On our way back to Rochester, we tried to find a place to eat in Nodine, but nothing was to be found (ironically... no-dine).

After hours and hours of traveling, we ended up eating at a great restaurant in Rochester called Twigs... best butternut squash ravioli ever.

{Sunday}
We started out the day with a yummy breakfast at Rabbits bakery in Lake City. After a little site seeing, we drove up the Mississippi river through Pepin, Nelson, Wabasha and Redwing.

{me and the parents next to the World's Largest Boot... what a touristy moment}

... we also did some monster searching in Lake Pepin for the notorious Pepie lake monster (is that not the wimpiest lake monster name ever?)

We ended the day with a few hours in Minneapolis/St. Paul. We were able to see the Mall of America, the St. Paul Cathedral, the State capital and LOTS of fireworks {Happy 4th!}






{Monday}
As always, we kicked off our day with breakfast and coffee, this time we went to Dunn Bros.

Then we stopped by a Rochester fave... the world's largest ear of corn (are you noticing a pattern?)

We spent the biggest part of the day kayaking on the Zumbro Falls River... it was gorgeous and SO fun!

We ended the night at a fun little restaurant/pub in Rochester called Whistle Binkies.

In the words of my dad, "We broke the fun meter."

And we did! It was such a blast to have my parents come and see what I'm up to for the summer.

I love hanging out with them... they're off to see the sis in North Carolina now, and I'm back

to work! I love you guys!

{xo. jarah}

a short snapshot.

she sat quietly in the chair next to me
her eyes were heavy.
and her face was tear-stained.
after a long moment of silence,
she raised her head and said,
"I am not asking for extravagance,
I just want a place to live, and some
friends and family to share this life with...
Is that too much to hope for?"

Suddenly, she wasn't the only one with tears
rolling down her cheeks.
A lump formed in the back of my throat
and I found it hard to breathe.
I didn't know what to say to her
except that there was hope
and that her life was worth fighting for.

I'm learning to be grateful for those "everyday" things
that I so often take for granted.
like friends
and family.
the love in my life is lavish...
i'm coming to see how rare that is in our world.