the day that true love died

The Precious Blood
{a Puritan prayer from The Valley of Vision}

Before thy cross I kneel and see
the heinousness of my sin,
my iniquity that caused thee to be
'made a curse',
the evil that excites the severity
of divine wrath.
Show me the enormity of my guilt by
the crown of thorns,
the pierced hands and feet,
the bruised body,
the dying cries.
Thy blood is the blood of incarnate God,
its worth infinite, its value beyond all thought.
Infinite must be the evil and the guilt
that demands such a price.
Sin is my malady, my monster, my foe, my viper,
born in my birth,
alive in my life,
strong in my character,
dominating my faculties,
following me as a shadow,
intermingling with my every thought,
my chain that hold me captive in the
empire of my soul.
Sinner that I am, why should the sun give me light,
the air supply breath,
the earth bear my tread,
its fruits nourish me,
its creatures subserve my ends?
Yet thy compassions yearn over me,
thy heart hastens to my rescue,,
thy love endured my curse,
thy mercy bore my deserved stripes.
Let me walk humbly in the lowest depths
of humiliation,
bathed in thy blood,
tender of conscience,
triumphing gloriously as an heir of salvation.

{via}

Today is Good Friday... the day that Christ was broken and bruised on our behalf. The day that God waged the wrath for all our sin upon the soul of his beloved son. Somehow this day seems to be glazed over a bit in our modern Christian culture, but the reality is that the hope and resurrection of Easter would not exist without the messiness and heart break of the cross. May we allow the weight of this day to impress upon our hearts and stir our affections toward Christ.

{If you get a chance, listen to this song... the lyrics speak so loudly to the beauty of this day!}

p.s. sorry for all the phil wickham pictures... it was either that or a video with a bunch of images of swedish Jesus (which is a rant that i'll save for another day). trust me, this was the better choice.

Lent (part 4)

via

My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.
- Brennan Manning

Christ suffered & died...

To Reconcile Us to God (Romans 5:10) - "He took steps we could not take to remove his own judgment. He sent Christ to suffer in our place... Reconciliation from our side is simply to receive what God has already done, the way we receive an infinitely valuable gift."

To Bring Us to God (1 Peter 3:18, Ephesians 2:13) - "Long before Christ came, God revealed himself as the source of full and lasting pleasure. Then he sent Christ to suffer that he might bring us to God. This means he sent Christ to bring us to the deepest, longest joy a human can have. Hear the invitation: Turn from the fleeting pleasures of sing and come to pleasures forevermore. Come to Christ."

So That We Might Belong to Him (Romans 7:4, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Acts 20:28) - "Christ suffered and died that we might be set free from law and sing and belong to him. Here is where obedience ceases to be a burden and becomes the freedom of fruit-bearing. Remember, you are not your own."

To Give Us Confident Access to the Holiest Place (Hebrews 10:19) - "Without Christ the holiness of God had to be protected from us. He would have been dishonored and we would have been consumed because of our sin. But now, because of Christ, we may come near and feast our hearts on the fullness of the flaming beauty of God's holiness."

To Become for Us the Place Where We Meet God (John 2:19-21) - "When Christ died and rose again, the old temple was replaced by the globally accessible Christ. You may come to him without moving a muscle. He is as close as faith."

To Bring the Old Testament Priesthood to an End and Become the Eternal High Priest (Hebrews 7:23-27, Hebrews 9:24-26, Hebrews 10:11-12) - "There will never be the need for another. There is one mediator between us and God. One priest. We need no other. Oh, how happy are those who draw near to God through Christ alone."

To Become a Sympathetic and Helpful Priest (Hebrews 4:15-16) - "Evidently the thought goes like this: We are likely to feel unwelcome in the presence of God if we come with struggles. We feel God's purity and perfection so keenly that everything about us seems unsuitable in his presence. But then we remember that Jesus is "sympathetic." He feels with us, not against us. This awareness of Christ's sympathy makes us bold to come. He knows our cry. He tasted our struggle. He bids us come with confidence when we feel our need."

Lent (part 3)

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Oh goodness, this Lenten season has been one for the books, dear friends... Despite my wandering affections, Christ remains so consistent in His love for me and continues to prove himself to be endlessly faithful in my life. I promise to write more about my surrender very soon... but today I want to highlight a few more point's from The Passion of Jesus Christ (by John Piper):

Christ suffered & died...

To Bring Us to Faith and Keep Us Faithful (Mark 14:24, Jeremiah 32:40) - "When Christ died, he secured for his people not only new hearts but new security. He will not let them turn from him. He will keep them. They will persevere. The blood of the covenant guarantees it."

To Make us Holy, Blameless, and Perfect (Hebrews 10:14, Colossians 1:22, 1 Corinthians 5:7) - "The suffering of Christ secures our perfection so firmly that it is already now a reality. Therefore, we fight against our sin not simply to become perfect, but because we are. The death of Jesus is key to battling our imperfections on the firm foundation of our perfection."

To Give Us a Clear Conscience (Hebrews 9:14) - "When our conscience rises up and condemns us, where will we turn? We turn to Christ. We turn to the suffering and death of Christ -- the blood of Christ. This is the only cleansing agent in the universe that can give the conscience relief in life and peace in death."

To Obtain for Us All Things That Are Good for Us (Romans 8:32) - "God will meet every real need, including the ability to rejoice in suffering when many felt needs do not get met. God will meet every real need, including the need for grace to hunger when the felt need for food is not met. the suffering and death of Christ guarantee that God will give us all things that we need to do his will and give him glory and to attain everlasting joy."

To Heal Us from Moral and Physical Sickness (Isaiah 53:5, Matthew 8:16-17) - "The way Christ defeated death and disease was by taking them on himself and carrying them with him to the grave... One day all disease will be banished from God's redeemed creation. There will be a new earth. We will have new bodies... And all who love Christ will sing songs of thanks to the Lamb who was slain to redeem us from sin and death and disease."

To Give Eternal Life to All Who Believe on Him (John 3:16) - "So eternal life is not merely the extension of this life with its mix of pain and pleasure. It is supreme and ever-increasing happiness where all sing and all sadness will be gone. All that is evil and harmful in this fallen creation will be removed. All this is good - all that will bring true and lasting happiness - will be preserved and purified and intensified."

To Deliver Us from the Present Evil Age (Galatians 1:4) - "When Christ went to the cross, he set millions of captives free. He unmasked the devil's fraud and broke his power... Don't follow a defeated foe. Follow Christ. It is costly. You will be an exile in this age. But you will be free."

one last toast to 2010

i wrote one of these little toasts last year,
and i'm thinking that 2010 deserves at least a toast or two as well...

{via}

to finishing months of physical therapy
to 2 healthy knees
to prayers for Haiti
to nurse geekiness
to finding a new church to call home
to choosing faith that's based on more than feeling
to finding a healthier balance
to being pushed to live a better story
to embracing a little whimsy
to the closing of a chapter
to little summer blitz trips
to divine plans
to big unknowns
to facing fears
to a slow-paced, Midwestern culture
to family away from home
to heart break over mental illness
to fun adventures in new places
to an amazing preceptor
to new friends
to thunderstorms brewing over dark night skies
to learning to get over myself
to asking hard questions
to lessons in listening
to understanding myself better
to a box of letters
to lessons from mr. lewis
to a greater understanding of God's will
to adventures in public transportation
to struggling through doubt, fear, & discontentment
to gaining victory and freedom
to a shift in heart
to tangible change
to experiencing God's joy
to cultivating thankfulness
to resuscitating the blog
to blessed jobs
to the best study buddy a girl could ask for
to my fabulous cohort
to both the good and bad days in nursing school
to sweet little children struggling with cancer
to surviving my maternity rotation
to confronting materialism
to having the "hardest" semester of nursing school under my belt
to living with a bunch of goonies
to my sweet little bucyeneza irene
to growing pains
to a God who refuses to give up on me
to battling insecurity
to restoration and building back
to african refugees
to my wonderful family
to not making plans

to 2010: what blessed year!
i am truly in awe for the journey this year has been
and i'm looking forward to new adventures in 2011.

Mazel Tov!

what are your 2010 highlights?

recap: fall break

what an incredible fall break...

kind of strange that it's the last of my college years!

i spent the week here in utah...
catching up with friends
working (very little of this actually)
eating sushi
trying new recipes
watching movies
playing with my sis
crafting
enjoying the fall weather
shopping
writing letters
cleaning my crazy messy room
reading (for fun)
catching up on sleep

&

taking a little blitz trip to
zion national park
highlights include:

{1} hiking angels landing
yes, i really did it! crossing #13 off the list
i was absolutely in AWE! so so beautiful!
definitely one of my all-time favorites.

{2} sleeping in my hammock

{3} enjoying the company of some amazing people

{4} rockin' the chacos

fall break, you were too good to me!
now, to leave you with a little taste of that epic hike!
{video isn't mine... found it here}

a summer of...

i only have one week left here in minnesota,
i can't even get my mind around that!
where has this summer gone?

what started as a quick application, a big unknown, a whim, a step of faith,

has turned out to be an incredible adventure...
and I count myself as blessed,
SO very blessed.

this has been a summer of...

nurse geekiness
heart break over mental illness
becoming "Mayo-nnaised"
beauty in brokenness
joy in unexpected places
learning so much from my patients
precious new friends
frozen grapes
mid-west accents & hospitality
furious thunderstorms
"family dinners"
ridiculous aerobics sessions in the living room
riverside walks
thousands of fireflies
working my fanny off
late night ice cream runs
exploring fun new places
visits from loved ones
Hellen Keller jokes (hey now, don't judge)
outrageous stories
dance lessons a la hailey
laughing until my face hurts
good music
shopping adventures
yummy coffee
reading, writing, dreaming
thinking about what might be
whistle binkies
tubing down rivers
hip-hopping
pantyhose, hairspray & lipstick
public transportation
baseball
silliness
missing home
growing pains
cute toes
learning to get over myself
(& how to talk to people)
shark week
snail mail
free PIE nights
rockin out with Jace, Julie & Greg
giant mosquitoes
big life lessons
&
fun... Fun... FUN!

summer 2010, i'll archive you away as a favorite forever.

there are times // constantly

I just finished a string of 7 shifts in a row... Now, I suppose 60 hours is nothing to complain about, but this week has taken a toll on me emotionally. There have been a lot of tough things throughout the summer, but this week was just more intense. I have to be careful about what I share in order to respect the privacy and dignity of the people I'm working with. But I can tell you what's been going on with me. As hard as it is for me to put into words, I'll give it a go. Each day is unique and completely different, so I'll try to give you snippets of what I'm experiencing...

There are times when I cannot get a certain patient out of my head... for whatever reason their story grabs a hold of me and won't let go.

There are times when this all feels too big and too heavy for my little heart... when things seem impossibly difficult and I just cannot seem to make sense of it all.

There are times when I think it would be easier to just check out, or to be numb. But I'm reminded over and over that that's not the kind of love I'm called to as a follower of Christ.

There are times when God has flattened me and my judgmental self.

There are times when I am so incredibly humbled by what I see and hear and experience.

There are times when I get to witness raw and beautiful faith.

There are times when I'm real weepy... like this whole week, for instance.

There are times when I see my Jesus in the faces/hearts in my patients.
God says He is close to the brokenhearted (and that's something I see every day).

There are times when I laugh until my face hurts.

There are times when I am full of hope, and other times it's harder to find (though it's always there... always).

There are times when something "clicks" with a patient - they come to a new level of understanding, make a big breakthrough, or experience healing - and all I want to do is throw my arms around them and yell, "Woohoo!"
{that, of course, would be incredibly inappropriate, so I do an abridged internal version of that! haha}

I am constantly reminded that this is a broken and fallen world...

I am constantly faced with situations and conversations that make me a little uncomfortable (if I'm honest).

I am constantly broken by the sight of tattered limbs, marred by cuts and burns...

I am constantly feeling challenged and pushed to deeper levels of faith and love.

I am constantly surprised by joy in unexpected places.

I am constantly learning new things... soaking it up like a sponge.

I am constantly questioning:
"Do I really love people, or do I just love people who are easy to love?"
"In the face of some of the darkest places, Do I really believe that each person bears the image of my creator?"
"Do I really believe what Jesus said on the Sermon on the Mount, 'Blessed are the poor in spirit.'?"

I am constantly being reminded that,
"when I feel powerless, God is all-powerful,
when I don't know what to do, God is all-knowing,
when things feel out of control, God is sovereign,
when I have patients that seem beyond healing, God is the great and ultimate physician,
and nothing is impossible for him..."
{in the words of my dear friend shannon, from a recent letter}

I am constantly praying that God will restore his goodness to the lives of the people I'm working with and that He uses this summer to make me more like Jesus.

I am constantly witnessing how a little light shines so incredibly brightly in a dark place.

I am constantly reminded that I cannot do this on my own...

alright, friends, I hope you have a better sense for what life looks like for me right now. even on the hardest of days, things are good. a big thanks to all of you who have been praying for me along the way... it's truly been my lifeblood.

one last toast to 2009

For those of you who want the reader's digest version of this whole update thing, this is the post for you. At the end of every December I like to take time to journal some highlights from the year. Okay, okay... I admit this might be a little weird to read in May of 2010, but I though it would be a good overview of '09 at large. So, without further ado, here is the unedited toast to 2009 from my journal...


To dropping everything.
To living in Africa.
To the undeniable work of God's hand.
To heartbreak.
To opened eyes.
To growing up.
To never too far.
To realized dreams.
To beautiful African babies.
To lessons learned.
To reevaluating tradition.
To wise mentors.
To teammates.
To lovely little letters.
To kindred spirits.
To leaving behind pieces of your heart.
To beautiful reunions.
To (re)learning to be an American.
To hard realities.
To difficulty in ministry.
To junior high girls.
To confronting wrong.
To epic road trips.
To pen pals.
To "glory-strength."
To diet coke dates.
To being uprooted.
To relationship blunders.
To obedience.
To letting go.
To the wait.
To challenge.
To walking through a desert.
To lifelongs.
To getting in.
To unlikely friendships.
To being humbled.
To Veterans.
To wanderlust.
To fueled passion.
To desperation.
To pediatrics.
To where to next?
To my sarge.
To stolen cars being found.
To spontaneous adventures.
To success redefined.
To oceans of grace.
To broken knees being fixed.
To unexpected joys.
To an unforgettable year.

2009: I'll archive you away as a favorite forever. Mazel Tov!
{xo. jarah}

i am not who i was when i took my first step...

I am home! It is so nice to be back, but I am missing Africa a little. I am sure that it is going to take some time to adjust to life back in the states and process through the last 5 months. I feel like i belong in both places... It's all a bit confusing, but I do know this: I am not the same person I was when I got on that plane to South Africa in January. Now I get to walk with God to figure out how that change is relevant to life here!

To all of you who supported me, prayed for me, and sent me letters during my time in South Africa, you have my sincerest gratitude! There were days when all that kept me going were those prayers and words of encouragement... Thank you! I look forward to catching up with all of you! Let me know if you want to have a coffee date :)

For those of you that I have not yet updated, I will be interning again this summer at SEBC... I am really excited about it! You can be praying for me as i make my transition - we head out for camp on Sunday :)

I will start Nursing school at the University of Utah this fall... 2 years to go!

Until my next big adventure,

Jarah

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. -Isaiah 9:2

...a new set of stars...

Hey everybody! We got back from our 3-day holiday to Pilanesberg late last night. We had an amazing trip... it was so great to be able to escape the noise and busyness of Johannesburg for a couple of days. Pilanesberg is absolutely gorgeous - it's very mountainous but still has the african plain feel. I cannot justly describe how beautiful this place was. The night sky was one of my favorite scenes - the milky way is so brilliant and the constellations are all new to my eyes. Every night from about 6 p.m. on, my gaze was fixed on the sky.

We were able to see a wide variety of wildlife: zebras, giraffes, lions, elephants, kudu, impala, warthog, hartebeest, waterbuck, rhinos, wildebeest, hippos, baboons and monkeys (I'm sure I'm forgetting something...). I left feeling so blessed to have had that experience! We had an amazing trip - thank you for your prayers!

from an awed heart,

Jarah

our hearts ache, but we always have joy...

Happy monday! Wow, this week has been a total blur... our days were long, but good, SO good! I'll try to give a quick recap from each day:

Tuesday (03.03)

Tuesdays are our days off... Amanda and I had a sleep over with Stacie (one of the full time missionaries here). We spent the day learning how to play squash and getting some much need rest in...

Wednesday (03.04)

We had our Daniel study in the morning with our beloved ladies from the church... they have completely blown me away with their kindness and support. It is such a blessing to spend time with them every week! There is a sweet old Scottish woman that has started coming and there is not a week that goes by where she doesn't tell me, "how good it is to have a young american lass in the group." It's been beautiful to see these sweet ladies become prayer warriors for our youth.

After bible study, we took Tshepi out for lunch at the tea garden up the road from our flat (it has become a favorite lunch-date spot). We had really good conversation about God, what He's doing in her life and the vision He has given her for the youth in our church. She is really becoming a good friend! God is blessing her leadership and ministry in awesome ways. On our way back from lunch, we got a call from Nomathemba (one of the girls in our youth group). We spent the rest of the day chatting, watching movies, and making bracelets. She recently immigrated here from Zambia and really opened up to us about her life and struggles. It absolutely fills my heart with joy to be able to spend time with and love on our girls (Lord, thank you for allowing me to be here!)

Thursday (03.05)

This day was definitely the highlight of my week! We FINALLY got to go to the orphanage! Nomathemba came with Amanda and I - we were there from 8:00 in the morning to 6:00 at night. We spent the first part of the day with the "bed babies" (meaning those under 2 years). We fed them breakfast and took them outside to play on the grass. They are SO cute... we had a blast playing with them, holding them, and helping them learn to walk. They are so desperate for love and human touch. I wish I could bring each and every one of them home with me!

The second half of the day we spent with the "big kids." I think that we played duck-duck-goose for two hours. The biggest fascination of the day was my hair - I guess the kids have never seen long hair, they were playing with it ALL day! Echoing what I said about the babies, they all are looking for love and tickles and someone just to hold them. Toward the end of the day a 4 year old little girl climbed into my lap and I just rubbed her back as she fell to sleep... I wish I had words to describe what that did to my heart!

It was such an incredible, yet draining, day! I think that I will be processing the things I see at the orphanage for months to come. I cannot tell you what it does to your heart to look children with HIV/AIDS in the eyes, to hold them, to see their sweet smiles and vibrant personalities... I have seen faces behind the statistics, beautiful and bright faces, and I will never be the same. I left the orphanage feeling so full, but so broken. I don't know that one days experience has ever reached to the depths of my soul like Thursday did...

Friday (03.06)

We went to the World Wide Women's Day of Prayer with the ladies from our Wednesday Daniel study. They thought it would be a great idea to have some young faces represent Lyndhurst at this prayer meeting, so Amanda and I were volunteered. The meeting was held at a beautiful Catholic Cathedral in Maryville (about 20 minutes away from where we live). I read a passage from Romans and Amanda prayed... all in front of a very large crowd of people! It was definitely outside of my comfort zone, but I really enjoyed it. I mean, how often do you get the chance to pray with hundreds of South African women?

Youth on Friday was amazing! The kids had an energy and a spirit that I have not yet seen in them. They shared praises and prayer requests for about an hour. Tshepi gave an awesome message on Isaiah 61:1-3! Man, it was such a fun night...

(Nomathemba, Gele, and Zippho at youth)

Saturday (03.07)

My sweet teammate was really sick, so we spent the day at home... we prepared for Sunday and just hung around our flat.

Sunday (03.08)

We were gone from 8:45 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. Church was great... our study is really going well! We went over to Aunt Liz and Uncle Kenny's after for our first African Braai (aka Barbecue in the states). They made SO much food for us! We had such a fun time sitting on their porch, chatting the afternoon away. They really do feel like family! We went to the evening service and then came home and crashed... What a crazy week!

Points for Prayer:

• Amanda and I have both had many sleepless nights - pray that God will give us rest and help us to sleep!

• Our work at the orphanage

• Our relationships with Liz & Kenny (and their son, Gary) as well as Yusef and Asma

• The search for a new pastor (Lyndhurst Baptist Church)

"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all. I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered. All I am is yours..." -Hillsong United

Sending my love from Africa,

Jarah

p.s. Happy Birthday, Daddy! I love you and miss you!

Isaiah 61:1-3 - The spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory.

oh, how quick the tears have come...

It seems that every envelope I have opened in the past two months has been accompanied by tears rolling down my cheeks. It's definitely been a test of my faith in God's provision, but raising financial support has proven to be a huge blessing. To all of you who have donated toward my trip to south africa, thank you! I cannot tell you how much I have been humbled and blessed by your generosity and love.

working on christmas.

Lately i have kind of been questioning my choice of career soley because nurses have to work on holidays. I am a total geek when it comes to holidays and I was so bummed when I found out I had to work this Christmas. But as I sat holding the babies in the nursery today, I could not help but think about my Jesus. Just as the babies I cared for, Jesus was an ordinary infant, fragile and new. But Jesus was not born in a clean hospital with the luxuries of medical care, he was born in poverty. I so often overlook how God chose to present his son... What a vulnerable and humble way for my savior to enter this world. That's not exactly the way I would have expected the Messiah to come. I mean, seriously, a baby born into poverty?

Even though the Messiah's entrance was not what we would have expected, I think it gives us an amazing picture into the character and heart of God. 2 Corinthians 8:9 says, "You know the generous grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that by his poverty he could make you rich." The God of this universe chose to become poor - to come into this world in the humblest of states, live a selfless life, and die a sacrificial death - so that we may live richly in relationship with God. I feel like I will never be able to fully grasp that kind of love!

God's way of doing things often doesn't fit my expectations, I didn't expect anything good out of working on Christmas this year, but I truly feel blessed that God allowed me to be at the hospital today. Being around the babies helped me to see just how ordinarily and humbly my Jesus came... what a beautiful thing!