Lent (part 5)

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Christ suffered & died...

To Free Us from the Futility of Our Ancestry (1 Peter 1:18-19) - "When Christ died, God had a view to the relationship between us and our ancestors. He meant to set us free from the futility we inherited from them. That is one of the great reasons Christ died."

To Free Us from the Slavery of Sin (Revelation 1:5-6, Hebrews 13:12) - "Now, for those who are trusting Christ, the power of God is not in the service of his condemning wrath, but his liberating mercy. God gives us this power for change through the person of his Holy Spirit... May the God of all grace, by faith in Christ, free us from both the guilt and slavery of sin."

That We Might Die to Sin and Live to Righteousness (1 Peter 2:24) - "The beauty of Christ, who loved me and gave himself for me, is the desire of my soul. And his beauty is perfect righteousness. that command that I now love to obey is this: 'Present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness' (Romans 6:13)."

So That We Would Die to the Law and Bear Fruit for God (Romans 7:4) - "We have died to law-keeping so that we might live to fruit-bearing. Fruit grows naturally on a tree. If the tree is good, the fruit will be good. And the tree, in this case, is a living relationship of love to Jesus Christ. For this he died. How he bids us come: Trust Me. Die to the law, that you might bear the fruit of love."

To Enable Us to Live for Christ and Not Ourselves (2 Corinthians 5:15) - "This is love-suffering to give us everlasting enjoyment, namely himself."

To Make His Cross the Ground of All Our Boasting (Galatians 6:14) - "Being dead to the world means that every legitimate pleasure in the world becomes a blood-bought evidence of Christ's love and an occasion of boasting in the cross. When our hearts run back along the beam of blessing to the source in the cross, then the worldliness of the blessing is dead, and Christ crucified is everything."

To Enable Us to Live by Faith in Him (Galatians 2:20) - "From the divine side, Christ is living in us and enabling us to live the way he teaches us to live. It's his work. But from our side, it's experienced by trusting him moment by moment to be with us and help us. The proof that he will be with us and will help us do this is the fact that he suffered and died to make it happen."

p.s. go listen to this song. no, really... do it!

What's up, South Carolina?

Miss Hailey Little was in SLC this week for a nursing convention... So amidst all the craziness in my life, I've been painting the town with this beloved friend. You may remember her from my posts this past summer in Minnesota. She is the best friend I made during my time at the Mayo Clinic and has continued to be a huge blessing in my life! I am so grateful that I got to see her and spend some time catching up! What a sweet friend! We've applied for a few jobs at the same hospital, so who knows... maybe we'll be roomies again soon?!?!

thankful thursdays {27}

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Here's my little weekly list of thanks from
project: cultivate thankfulness.

Hailey is in town for the NSNA convention
Finishing my senior capstone & ALL my nursing school clinicals
my preceptor/the amazing staff on BMT
my 70-year old patient who asked me to jitterbug with him (too cute!)
exciting news from friends
getting geeked up over nursing milestones
catching up with Jace/Julie
ordering my cap & gown
passing my ATI exam! praise Jesus!
big life lessons
good books on bad days
painted toes
heart to heart chats til the wee hours of the morning
a little sister who is always an encouragement to my heart!

Happy Thursday, everybody! I'm headed out for an adventure to the Grand Canyon tomorrow... I have a couple things scheduled while I'm away. Have a fabulous weekend!

Surrender Update

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Oh, wow... sorry I've been such a slow poke on getting around to writing an update on my little Lenten experiment in surrendering my future to the Lordship of Christ. I honestly do not feel like I can adequately put into words all that I have learned through this season - it has been a bigger undertaking than I anticipated, but the challenge has been so good for me. To sum it up...

Trust takes work
&
I'm bad at it

It has been a daily struggle for me to choose to trust God when everything in me is yearning to yield to worry and control and lists and pursuing things on my own accord. I have clumsily made my way through this fast and have struggled to remain faithful at each and every turn, but God so graciously continues to loosen my grip and is somehow growing me each time I intentionally choose to open my hands in surrender. Here are some of the highlights of what God's been up to in this little heart of mine:

...Change IS coming...

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Change and I have a love-hate relationship... Although it seems to have more of an affection for me that I have for it. As silly as this sounds, one of the biggest things I've been struggling with over the course of this Lenten season is the reality that change is coming. It's coming and there is nothing I can do about it. Somehow I think I previously convinced myself that I had some fraction of control over that... but I'm learning the truth is the exact opposite: it is completely out of my hands. So, whether I choose to take this job, or that job... whether I choose to stay or to go... things will not be the same as they've been for the past 5 years... and that's been a hard pill to swallow. There are things I'm not ready to let go of, things that I fear I cannot live without. Mostly it's just hard for me to picture living life with a different group of people. But over and over in the past couple of weeks, I have been reminded that those I love are choosing to move on and take risks and chase after their dreams... so I need to too. I cannot just put my life on hold in rebellion to upcoming changes. As scary as it may be, change is here and it's time to embrace it!

...What do you want?...

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I was reading through the book of Mark a few weeks back and came across the story of Bartimaeus. At the climax of the story, Jesus asks the blind beggar, “What do you want Me to do for you?," to which Bartimaeus responds, "Rabbi, I want to see." I chewed on this encounter for a good week and felt challenged to answer the same question for myself... As a follower of Christ, what do I want Him to do for me? Why am I choosing to seek Him? What. Do. I. Want. (out of life/my future/my walk of faith)? As I circled back to these questions over and over again, I felt a tangible shift of heart... The words of the blind beggar began to resonate and I realized that what I really want is to see. I want to see Christ at work and see his beauty and life reach a broken and hurting world. I want to experience deep intimacy with my Savior. I want to taste and see that He is good. In His infinite wisdom, the Lord took me through this story to renew my mind and refocus the eyes of my heart... I want to see.

...An Idol Factory...

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"The human heart is an idol factory." - John Calvin

Just when I was feeling settled in figuring out what I want, God began to reveal the fickle nature of my affections. It all started while cleaning my room and listening to this sermon. In it Mark Driscoll points out that, "idolatry is having created people and created things in place of the creator God for ultimate allegiance, value, and worth." Somewhere in between sweeping the floor and sorting out laundry, I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. God really used the truths presented in this sermon to convict me of the idolatry that I've allowed to sink into my heart and life. Idolatry is such a gross word and an even worse thing to find within yourself. I could go on and on about the different things I've been processing through on the topic, but the main thing I've been working on is my struggle to idolize my own experience - I look to richness of experience and significant adventures to save me from a life of mediocrity. I'm coming to see the sinfulness in that - Jesus saves me from a life of mediocrity, not my own life experience. For no matter what heights or mountain top experiences I have, nothing compares to the greatness of knowing and loving Christ. I desperately needed this reminder/kick in the pants.

...Flight Response...

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If you've been reading this little blog for any amount of time, I'm sure you have noticed that my heart is prone to wanderlust. I've always accepted this as a trait that is simply part of who I am. Though I believe that I am wired this way for a specific purpose, I rarely take the time to assess the restlessness and discontentment it can often breed in my life. One ordinary Friday afternoon, on a day when I was particularly struggling with worry and mistrust, Christina looked at me square in the eye and said, "You have this strange flight response... Whenever you're feeling insecure or unstable, you have this tendency to flee, to leave" (gotta love having a friend who will shoot it straight with you, right?!?). I didn't really know how to respond, but the truth she so bravely spoke really penetrated my heart. I've realized that I do this in life, in relationships... I wander, I get up and go. Sometimes it's prompted by pure motives, and other times it's prompted by fear. So the challenge that came along with this humbling realization, is that leaving is not the answer. To be clear, I might pick up and leave SLC in a matter of months. I also might stay right here where I'm at. But the point is that leaving is not the answer to my uncertainties and fears. I need to turn to God for the answer not to those things, not the prospect of a new adventure. I stumbled across a quote that beautifully summarizes the lesson I've been learning, "It is our wisdom to make the best of that which is, for it is seldom that changing our place is mending it" (Matthew Henry).

...In the Same Boat...

Your love has given me much joy and comfort, my sister, for your kindness has often refreshed the hearts of God’s people. - Philemon 1:7


As you all know, this sweet friend came for a visit a few weeks ago... and let me tell you, it could not have come at a better time! On top of all our adventures in SLC, we had a lot of time to talk and pray about life and faith and change and growing up. God used Shannon's wisdom and encouragement to refresh my heart. On the day she left I wrote the following in my journal: "I am feeling so encouraged in this journey. I know that it's all going to turn out as it should. Sometimes it helps to know that someone else is walking through the same thing, is fighting the same battle, and believes the same God is going to come through for her."

...One step at a time...


This last little lesson is, well, just that... little. I've been feeling challenged this week to just take things one step at a time. I know that seems silly, but I have a tendency to look way way too far ahead when I'm making decisions. I weigh out the pros and cons and try to think through the far reaching implications of the decision I'm making, which isn't always a bad thing, but the way I do it can be. I'm learning that I need to make the decisions for what they are - for what I feel is right in that isolated situation - and not worry so much about what they will mean for the rest of my life... I guess sometimes I over analyze and worry that somehow I'm going to miss out on God's will and my dreams in life. I'm slowly learning to trust my hopes for the future to the Lord, knowing that he will be faithful to fulfill the desires of my heart, even though that will likely look different that what I have envisioned... that's what makes this walk of faith an adventure, right?!

Okay, this is officially the longest post. ever. Sorry about that! I hope y'all have a little better picture of what's been swimming around in my little noggin' over the past few weeks. As you can see, I've been processing and learning a lot! The funny thing about this surrender is, I am not even one step closer to having clarity on what my future will look like... I have ZERO direction, but I feel like God has really been using this time to poise and prepare me to be ready to make the decisions I need to make when the time comes. He's priming my heart and it's hard and it's painful but it's SO exciting. I cannot wait to see what he has in store... Dear readers, I continue to ask for your prayers in this season. Pray that God will make his will clear and that I will have the bravery and faith to follow his voice. I love you all... thanks for reading this extra long rambling today!

"And trust is that: work. The work of trusting love. Intentional and focused. Sometimes, too often, I don't want to muster the energy. Stress and anxiety seem easier. Easier to let a mind run wild with the worry than to exercise discipline, to reign her in, slip the blinders on and train her to walk steady in certain assurance, not spooked by the specters looming ahead. Are stress and worry evidences of a soul too lazy, too undisciplined, to keep gaze fixed on God? To stay in love? I don't like to ask these questions... But this I must ask and do, out loud: Isn't joy worth the effort of trust?"

- Ann Voskamp

Lent (part 4)

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My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.
- Brennan Manning

Christ suffered & died...

To Reconcile Us to God (Romans 5:10) - "He took steps we could not take to remove his own judgment. He sent Christ to suffer in our place... Reconciliation from our side is simply to receive what God has already done, the way we receive an infinitely valuable gift."

To Bring Us to God (1 Peter 3:18, Ephesians 2:13) - "Long before Christ came, God revealed himself as the source of full and lasting pleasure. Then he sent Christ to suffer that he might bring us to God. This means he sent Christ to bring us to the deepest, longest joy a human can have. Hear the invitation: Turn from the fleeting pleasures of sing and come to pleasures forevermore. Come to Christ."

So That We Might Belong to Him (Romans 7:4, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Acts 20:28) - "Christ suffered and died that we might be set free from law and sing and belong to him. Here is where obedience ceases to be a burden and becomes the freedom of fruit-bearing. Remember, you are not your own."

To Give Us Confident Access to the Holiest Place (Hebrews 10:19) - "Without Christ the holiness of God had to be protected from us. He would have been dishonored and we would have been consumed because of our sin. But now, because of Christ, we may come near and feast our hearts on the fullness of the flaming beauty of God's holiness."

To Become for Us the Place Where We Meet God (John 2:19-21) - "When Christ died and rose again, the old temple was replaced by the globally accessible Christ. You may come to him without moving a muscle. He is as close as faith."

To Bring the Old Testament Priesthood to an End and Become the Eternal High Priest (Hebrews 7:23-27, Hebrews 9:24-26, Hebrews 10:11-12) - "There will never be the need for another. There is one mediator between us and God. One priest. We need no other. Oh, how happy are those who draw near to God through Christ alone."

To Become a Sympathetic and Helpful Priest (Hebrews 4:15-16) - "Evidently the thought goes like this: We are likely to feel unwelcome in the presence of God if we come with struggles. We feel God's purity and perfection so keenly that everything about us seems unsuitable in his presence. But then we remember that Jesus is "sympathetic." He feels with us, not against us. This awareness of Christ's sympathy makes us bold to come. He knows our cry. He tasted our struggle. He bids us come with confidence when we feel our need."

thankful thursdays {26}

I'm back with a small little list of thanks this week from

project: cultivate thankfulness...

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I'm thankful for...

friends that make me laugh til my tummy hurts

peanut butter and banana sandwiches
getting a free massage at work
God's timely provision of a new roomie for the summer
driving with the windows down
63° and sunny... hello, flip flops!
rejoicing over new found freedom
sweet little text messages
my amazing preceptor on BMT
heart level conversations with close friends
working out with Jillian Michaels and the roommates
a great induction ceremony to sigma theta tau
parents who support me in everything i do
the gorgeous sunset on wednesday night
a canceled psych lecture that allowed for a little extra sleeping in
random kindness from strangers
little green hints of spring
tea at bedtime
good news from far away friends
God's trustworthy promises

May you see the abundance of blessings in your life today... No matter what you're walking through, I believe that they are there! May God give you the eyes and heart to see them clearly.

Lent (part 3)

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Oh goodness, this Lenten season has been one for the books, dear friends... Despite my wandering affections, Christ remains so consistent in His love for me and continues to prove himself to be endlessly faithful in my life. I promise to write more about my surrender very soon... but today I want to highlight a few more point's from The Passion of Jesus Christ (by John Piper):

Christ suffered & died...

To Bring Us to Faith and Keep Us Faithful (Mark 14:24, Jeremiah 32:40) - "When Christ died, he secured for his people not only new hearts but new security. He will not let them turn from him. He will keep them. They will persevere. The blood of the covenant guarantees it."

To Make us Holy, Blameless, and Perfect (Hebrews 10:14, Colossians 1:22, 1 Corinthians 5:7) - "The suffering of Christ secures our perfection so firmly that it is already now a reality. Therefore, we fight against our sin not simply to become perfect, but because we are. The death of Jesus is key to battling our imperfections on the firm foundation of our perfection."

To Give Us a Clear Conscience (Hebrews 9:14) - "When our conscience rises up and condemns us, where will we turn? We turn to Christ. We turn to the suffering and death of Christ -- the blood of Christ. This is the only cleansing agent in the universe that can give the conscience relief in life and peace in death."

To Obtain for Us All Things That Are Good for Us (Romans 8:32) - "God will meet every real need, including the ability to rejoice in suffering when many felt needs do not get met. God will meet every real need, including the need for grace to hunger when the felt need for food is not met. the suffering and death of Christ guarantee that God will give us all things that we need to do his will and give him glory and to attain everlasting joy."

To Heal Us from Moral and Physical Sickness (Isaiah 53:5, Matthew 8:16-17) - "The way Christ defeated death and disease was by taking them on himself and carrying them with him to the grave... One day all disease will be banished from God's redeemed creation. There will be a new earth. We will have new bodies... And all who love Christ will sing songs of thanks to the Lamb who was slain to redeem us from sin and death and disease."

To Give Eternal Life to All Who Believe on Him (John 3:16) - "So eternal life is not merely the extension of this life with its mix of pain and pleasure. It is supreme and ever-increasing happiness where all sing and all sadness will be gone. All that is evil and harmful in this fallen creation will be removed. All this is good - all that will bring true and lasting happiness - will be preserved and purified and intensified."

To Deliver Us from the Present Evil Age (Galatians 1:4) - "When Christ went to the cross, he set millions of captives free. He unmasked the devil's fraud and broke his power... Don't follow a defeated foe. Follow Christ. It is costly. You will be an exile in this age. But you will be free."